Twas the night before X mas
by InvadingAngel
Summary: Dib's Christmas adventure. I'm sure it'll be nothing less than heartwarming.


**Dib's Christmas adventure**

Dib glanced around, his eyes narrowed. Light flashed purple, vermilion or green. The boy could feel the pressure of the circumstances, the weight of potential destruction should he make the wrong choice. His brow furrowed as his hand hovered over it. One chance to be right, one chance to succeed and once chance to fail.

"Hey kid!" a voice snarled. He turned to face them. A woman wearing a nametag that read, "Vickie" glared down at him. She crossed her arms over her purple smock, "You gonna buy something or not?" Dib frowned, "I'm thinking!" he glowered down at the video game packages, "I'm buying a Christmas gift for my sister." he adjusted his glasses and picked up the two games: Kill, Kill, Violence III or Doom Shoot 'Em Dead VI?

"Oh man…" he swallowed hard, "Know what?" he muttered and looked up in to her eyes, "I'll take them both." The woman snatched the games, "Very good Sir" she said and spun around to take them to the register. Dib reached in to his pocket and yanked out a large wad of bills. There were certain advantages to an internationally famous scientist for a neglective father.

"That'll be sixty two fifty five." She said in a nasally voice. The paranormal investigator passed over several bills. "Vickie" looked at the cash then at Dib and held it up to the light as though he had drawn it right there (that joke is copyrighted by some comedian. Sorry dude, had to use it).

"What?" he asked annoyed. It was ten o clock Christmas Eve. He had to get home and she was holding him up! They stared it other down or more so glared each other down until she finally said, "Ya want des gif wrapped?" (Not typos just a mutilation of the English language).

"Yeah." He said hurriedly glancing at his watch, "That would be great." (This part of the story is boring so I'm gonna cut to him leaving the store)

Walking out glanced down at the **Game Junkie** bag in his hand. Gaz would love her gift and wouldn't punch him in the head until it bled and what more could a boy ask for? He sighed last year Zim had tried to take over the earth but this year he had been considerably more subdued plus his plans for world conquest still sucked and Dib was still able to stop him. Dib closed his eyes when suddenly he heard a growl from behind.

"You…" He froze, was it Zim? No it didn't sound like Zim. Slowly Dib turned his large head and gaped at the sight. A seven-foot tall beast with long matted brow hair stood hunched over glaring at him.

"Sasquatch!" he screeched.

"That's right!" howled the animal, "It is I BIGFOOT master of table saws and other tools!" Dib's right eyebrow lifted.

"Okaaay." He said slowly glanced around and noting that nobody else was on the street.

"I've come to destroy YOU!" Dib looked around where was a camera when he needed it? Or for that matter a weapon!

"Why?" he asked still searching for something to use against the fearful brute.

"Because you tried to reveal my SEEECREEET!" Dib stared blankly.

"And that secret is…?" he asked the monster.

"That I exist! RAAWWW!" Bigfoot charged at Dib. Dib looked around and threw the gifts aside for safety and began to run the other way, "Stop running Dib Membrane! You're only making it harder for me to destroy you!" hallowed the abominable snowman.

"That's the idea! Yegh!" he hollered running as fast as his scrawny legs would carry. Suddenly he felt a great pressure connect with his head knocking him to the snow covered asphalt. Dib made a small moaning noise when suddenly he suffered the force of two giant yeti claws chocking the life out of him.

"N…no!" he gasped and threw a handful of snow into the creature's eyes. It snarled and hallowed, "NO! My one weakness! Watery eyes! Damn you Dib Membrane!" he shouted and ran down the street. Dib sat up and brushed snow from his jacket, "Well that was pretty stupid." He stumbled over to the bag and checked it, two gift-wrapped packages just as it should be. He slung it over his shoulder and continued on his way.

Dib humming the Mysterious Mysteries theme was the only sound breaking the silence of the streets. Most were at home with their loved ones and those without loved ones had already hung themselves (wow that was morbid). Suddenly a sound broke the calm. Dib looked around.

A distant, "wah, wah, wah!" he walked quietly down the road until he saw a small form sitting under the street light in a pile of snow. He squinted his eyes and gasped, "Is that a baby!" Dib ran up to the infant. He picked it up and held it to his chest, "What the hell?" he muttered looking around, "Who would leave a baby on the street?" then there was a different noise, a hiss. The twelve year old looked down at the child. It had opened its mouth revealing two large pointed fangs.

"Oh no!" he shouted and dropped the toddler and jumped back, "That's no ordinary baby! It's a _vampire_ baby!" It glared up at him then did a flip in the air turning into a bat. Abruptly swooping down and attacking Dib.

"Noo!" he ran and it pursued hissing and making a giggling noise. The bat/vampire/baby landed on Dib's shoulder and opened its mouth to bite into his flesh when he swung the bag and knocked it away. The bat dropped to the ground and transformed back into a baby then it whimpered and began to cry.

Dib began to run until he smacked a solid form and fell back with an "oomph!" He looked up and hissed one word.

"Zim!" the Irken began to laugh, "Hello Dib! You're just in time to witness my most EVIL holiday based plan yet!" Dib sighed, "Oh man."

THE NEXT DAY 6:48 am 

Gaz sat on the couch with a large package near her. The door swung open to reveal a charred still smoking Dib in a monkey suit. He was panting and gasping for air. Gaz turned around on the couch, "Hey Dib." He dragged out two torn and ripped up gifts. Gaz smiled a little, "Cool. Here's your gift!" she motioned to the big box.

He stumbled over and pulled the paper off. Dib smiled, "Wow…" it was a giant high-powered telescope, "Thanks Gaz!" She merely grunted in reply and began to tear at what was left of the holiday wrapping paper. She sucked in a sharp breath, "Oh Dib!" she breathed staring at the games, "Thanks!" the purple haired ten year old opened the box of Kill, Kill, Violence III when bits of confetti like glass fell from the box. She gaped and quickly opened the other with the same results. Dib stared in horror.

"Oh man…that might of happened when I fought the vampire baby…or big foot…or the alien invasion…" She opened her eyes in rage and stomped over to him. Dib shrunk away, "Gaz…" he whispered moving away. She rested one small hand on the telescope.

"Nooo!" he screamed for the tenth time that night. She flexed her fingers and it crumbled under her grasp, "Nooo!" he moaned as she stomped out. He stared down at the pieces of his gift, "Every year! Every darn year!"

**END**

The vampire baby is dedicated to my new nephew Alexander Charles who was born at 12:30 yesterday! . I thought this would be a cute little one shot fic. Well happy holidays!


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